Sunday, July 6, 2008

Explanations and Exhortations

Finding the words
First off, thank you all for your well-wishes. I know I left suddenly, it was unavoidable. I wasn't sure whether to just pretend nothing had happened and start Blogging again or whether it was best to offer an explanation. In the end I decided on a compromise - a short explanation.

Sad times
I had been keeping a secret. I was pregnant and nearing the 12 week mark, the magic time when it is usually safe to reveal the news because the threat of miscarriage is lower then. Unfortunately I had had a couple of problems and my doctor recommended a scan. At the scan I found out that the baby was no more and I had to go into hospital. It was a brutal shock amplified by being a long way from my family in England. It has taken some time to come to terms with it all, and that is an on-going project.

Future times
But....I have a family, have children, have friends, a wonderful husband and lots of support. I'm taking it slowly but I will rejoin my online activities. Events like this can make you feel like you are on the outside, puts a barrier between you and other people. I don't want that to happen. Miscarriage is a painful fact of life - it happens to many women, couples, families. Everyone copes with grief in different ways but one thing I do know is this: it always helps when someone tries to express sympathy. Even if your expression of sympathy doesn't come out the way you intended, or seems to make the other person upset, the fact that you tried to comfort them and offer support is much better than avoiding the subject. Pretending it didn't happen simply makes it harder to deal with for everyone.

Better times
So that's the deal. It's been difficult but getting better. I will be starting to Blog again soon. Remember to keep reaching out to people, and thanks again for all the support. Peace.